Behind Blue Eyes
by Mystique She Devil
Summary: Everyone knew him as a cruel, heartless, and mean git. But that's all on the outside. No one knew the real Draco Malfoy. What would they think or say if they found out who he really is inside?
1. Default Chapter

**DISLAIMER:**

All HP characters and the world of Hogwarts and its magic belong to JK Rowling. If it wasn't for her we would never have gotten to know its citizens. All non-HP characters are my own and so is the way this story is going to be written.

**Author's Note:**

I am NOT making any monetary profit from writing this story. Just pure self satisfaction. Draco Malfoy is my favorite character, next to Sirius Black. This most possibly never happen in the next two books, but this story is the fruition of my imagination and wishful thinking.

**Brief Summary:**

Everyone knew to be a heartless, cruel, and mean git. But that's all on the outside. No one knew the ireal/ Draco Malfoy. What would they think of him if he was to finally let himself free? 

**Behind Blue Eyes**

_No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes   
No one knows what it's like   
To be hated   
To be fated   
To telling only lies   
  
But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be   
  
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free _

He slammed the door to his bedroom shut and leaned on it, sliding down to the floor with his hands in his hair. His mother had gone into another drinking stupor and he had to get away from her. He hated seeing her like that. He could not believe that she's crying for his father now. All he ever did to her was made her miserable. He thought that now that he'd been locked up in Azkaban that his mother would be happier. But he was wrong. He realized now that even though his father treated his mother with cruelty that she actually loved him. In her own way, she coped with his meanness and beatings throughout the years. He just could not help but feel more resentment towards the man that his mother loved even though he never made her happy.

His father brought him up to hate anyone that he thought was not worthy to be considered wizards in their world. Mostly Muggle-borns. His father hated all Muggles and taught his son to be just as hateful of them as he was. He did not like that, not one bit. But he had to put up with the façade or his mother would pay for any insolence.

Draco Malfoy hoisted himself up from the floor and walked to his bureau. He pulled out his journal and quill and sat on his bed. He leaned against the headboard and opened his journal. He dipped his quill into the inkbottle on his bedside table. 

He thought about what had happened before the end of terms. How he participated on breaking up a group of people who were trying to learn the defense arts. He had hated himself for it, for he had wanted to be there. Not for himself, but for everyone else. He hated the fact that his father was in league with the Dark Lord. Lucius Malfoy had already made it clear that Draco would become a Death Eater soon. Draco had cringed on the idea, but could not do anything but agree with him. He knew that if he tried to rebel against his father, it would mean that his mother, Narcissa, would be the one to pay for it. But he was glad that that would be not happening now, now that Lucius was captured and put in prison. But did Draco really believed that?

He longed to have friends, real friends. Not the ones that he hung around with that did not do anything but try to make people's lives at Hogwarts miserable. He admitted to himself a long time ago that he was wrong to participate with them, but he knew that if he did not, it would get back to his father and the consequences would be severe. 

He did not really hate Harry Potter. In all honesty, he admired the bloke. He had shown true courage and bravery in the worst times. And Harry's determination to defeat Voldemort only made Draco's admiration for him and his friends grow stronger. But how could he make amends with them now? Too much hostility and bad blood spilled amongst them that it seemed unrepairable. How could he make them see that what they knew from the outside was _not_ the real Draco Malfoy?

He stared at the blank page of his journal, the tip of his quill hanging in mid air, waiting to be used. There was so much he wanted to write down. So many emotions, thoughts, going through him. And he had no one to confide in but his journal. But why can't he seem to let them out?

He sighed and put his quill inside the journal. He closed it and got up from the bed putting the journal on his bedside table. He walked over to his window and looked out into the sky. He wondered how his life would be if he just went back to Hogwarts a different person. Would people accept him? Or would they think that he had some kind of ulterior motive for the sudden change?

He hit the side of his window as he thought of all the mean things he had done in the past, knowing how hard they will be to mend. Tears pooled in his eyes and he let them flow. No one was there to see him cry. Something that a Malfoy was i_not_/I supposed to do. But he hated _being_ a Malfoy. He _hated_ to be hated.

He wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hands and let out a breath. He went back to his bed and grabbed the journal. He proceeded to write his thoughts, his feelings. When he was done, he closed it and put it back in his bureau, letting no one know the real Draco Malfoy, once again.

He went to his bathroom to change into his nightclothes. When he came out, he found his mother on his bed, crying. He let out a sigh as he walked over and sat next to her.

"Mum?" he said softly. His mother looked at him, her eyes blood shot from crying and from drinking. He could smell the stench of the alcohol in her breath. He looked away from her as her appearance at the moment was repulsive to him. She was usually dressed all prim and proper. But now, her hair was disheveled, her cardigan was hanging off her shoulder, and her face was a mess, her make up had run from her crying.

She did not say anything to him but just handed him a piece of parchment. Draco looked down at it and grimaced. It had the mark of the Dark Lord on it. It could only mean one thing.

He took it from his mother and sighed again before unfolding the letter. He wanted to scream out when he read it.

_Narcissa,_

_I believe now is the time to have your son, Draco, join us. It would be a great honor for your family for him to continue what your husband had loyally done for me. Bring him to the headquarters before Christmas and he will be inducted into my army. He will be given his father's position, as my right hand man._

_Your master,_

_Lord Voldemort_

He turned to look at his mother with wide eyes. He could not believe that this was happening now. He did not want to go.

"Mum, tell me you will not let this happen," he pleaded. His mother broke down into hysterics.

"You're father would be proud, Draco! You have to go!" she screeched at him.

"No! I don't want to!" he yelled back. "I don't believe in killing innocent people Mother!"

"Draco! Do you know what would happen if you don't obey him?! He'll kill you!"

"Then so be it!" he screamed getting up from the bed. "I would rather die than follow him!"

"Draco please!" Narcissa pleaded. "It will make your father happy!"

"But what about _my_ happiness!?" Draco retorted. "And I can not believe that you would actually say that! After all that he'd done to you!"

_SMACK!_

He looked at his mother in shock. Not once in all of his 16 years did she ever lay a hand on him. Narcissa had her hand on her mouth, her eyes wide. She could not believe that she had just hurt her son. Her baby. Her life.

She ran out of his room slamming the door shut behind her. Draco sat down on his bed, his hand on his cheek. It was throbbing. His mother had never done anything like that to him. His father, yes. But, this one hurt a _lot_ worse than all the ones he'd received from Lucius.

He went to his bureau again. He pulled open the drawer and grabbed his journal once again. In his haste though, he pulled another item out that fell on the floor. When he looked down to see what it was, he felt his heart wrench. He picked it up and sat down on the floor, leaning against his bed.

He caressed the surface of that item and felt his eyes pool up with tears. It was a picture. And as always in the wizarding world, the image was moving. That image was of a girl. The only girl that Draco had ever cared for, loved even, but not declared it for fear of her safety.

His father once told him that if he ever made the mistake of falling in love with a Mudblood, not only will Draco pay, but the unfortunate one he fell in love with will also. At first, Draco thought that it was not possible for him to fall in love to a non-pure blood, so it would not be a problem. But little did he expect, that love would hit him at the most inopportune time.

~*~*~

Please review. Any comments/critiques are welcome and will be greatly appreciated.


	2. Chap 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Thank you all for the reviews. Here's the next installment. I'm sorry that it was short, but I  hope you like this one as well. I'll try to update as soon as possible.

**~*~*~**

Draco had seen her around. However, she was shunned in Slytherin. Why? Because she was the _first non-pureblood ever sorted into that house full of purebloods. Everyone stayed away from her as if she had some kind of disease. He had felt bad but he couldn't get himself to talk to her. He was afraid of what would happen if he did. Word about what he did in Hogwarts seemed to find their way to his father's ears._

She was a slim, petite blond haired girl. She had a round face and blue eyes that he had noticed sparkled in the light. But yet they were full of sorrow. He knew that it was because no one in their house would befriend her. And also, she had become friends with other houses and that just infuriated the Slytherins more. The Slytherins were not known to be friendly with anyone outside their house. 

Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger had taken it upon themselves to make friends with her. She seemed to have gotten really close to Hermione as she was just like her, a Muggle born witch. They have a lot in common; both brainiacs and couldn't be found without a book in hand. Draco could find her only smile when she was around them and nowhere else. In classes, she would sit in the very back of the class and hide herself behind her books. And whenever the Slytherins would have classes with the Gryffindors, she would sit with Hermione, Ron, and Harry. If she wasn't with her Gryffindor friends, she would be in the library, or somewhere around Hogwarts on her own. He had found that her favorite place was the rock cliff by the lake. There was a big tree over there where its roots had come up from the ground. She would sit there sometimes and write or read or just stare out into space. Once he followed her over there just out of curiosity and heard her crying.

His heart went out to her but he didn't do anything to comfort her. He was too afraid. Not for him, but for _her_. She hadn't known that he was there, silently crying with her. He knew the cause of her sadness, why she was an outcast. Draco knew that it wasn't her fault. She didn't ask to be sorted into Slytherin. The old Sorting Hat must have seen something about her to sort her into his house. But no one knew what that was. She most certainly had not shown any signs of being a bad person. Everyone at Hogwarts, but the Slytherins, seemed to like her. That should've been enough right? No. It wasn't.

Draco had been watching her for the last five years. He was almost certain that he knew enough about her that he could probably write a book about the reclusive Slytherin. They're going into their sixth year, and he wanted to make things right. With her, and everyone else. But especially with her.

He looked into the face on the photo again. He chuckled a little at the memory of how he got a hold of that picture. He had bullied that Gryffindor, Colin Creevey, into taking the picture for him. He told Colin to just tell the girl that he wanted to just take random pictures. She had obliged and let Colin take her picture. Draco loved it. He could see her smile in this picture as much as he wanted to. 

Her hair was long, and hung past her shoulders. It was wavy but not bushy like Hermione's. And it shone when the sun hit it with its rays. It was a darker shade of gold but it suited her just perfectly. Her pale skin seemed to contrast her hair but her eyes was what really captivated him. In the photo, her eyes were sparkling with happiness. But when she was alone, they were always sad.

Certain things she did made his heart skip a beat. Like when she was engrossed in doing her homework, he'd seen her stick her tongue out, with the tip of it touching her lips. Or, when she'd lean her head on her hand, her elbow on resting on the table, her fingers barely visible in her hair. Again the tongue on the lip. Her lips were full and Draco often wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. 

On the weekends, when they didn't have to wear their uniforms, she would often wear faded blue jeans that fit her figure. She would have on a t-shirt or blouse with colors that matched her hair and eyes. She was carefree in her Muggle clothing. But for some reason, she didn't feel comfortable wearing her Slytherin robe. Maybe because she didn't feel like she belonged there. That's the only reason Draco could come up with.

He took one last look at the girl in the photo and made up his mind. He will make things right with her if that was the last he'd do. He can't stand not knowing anymore what it would be like to be friends with her. He wanted to get to know her in a more personal level. No more sneaking around behind bookshelves in the library, or sideways glances in the common room or classrooms. He wanted to openly get to know this girl that had entrapped his heart.

He got up from the floor and ran his hand through his hair. He sighed and kissed the girl in the picture. He picked up his journal from his bed and tucked the photo in it before putting them both back in his bureau.

He then climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He would be going to Diagon Alley the next day and he hoped that he would run into her. He'd start from there, and hopefully, she won't be alienated by it. He looked out of his window into the starry night sky.

"Goodnight Sarah," he whispered before closing his eyes.

Draco stepped into Flourish and Blotts and thought that his heart would beat out of his chest. Over towards the back, with a bunch of books in her arms, was Sarah MacLeod. She seemed to be struggling as she tried to hold onto her books in one arm, and reaching for one off the top shelf with the other. Draco watched her as she got on her tippy toes and her tongue once again on her lips. She got the book that she wanted but when she tried to put it on top of her other ones, she dropped everything.

Without even thinking about it, he ran up and helped her. Sarah wasn't looking at him. She was too busy picking up her books that when she finally looked up to thank the person that helped her, she had dropped the books again. Only this time, they landed on Draco's feet, making him wince in pain. 

"Oh my gosh!" she said putting a hand to her mouth. "I'm so sorry Draco!"

She then bent down to pick up her books again not looking at him. He was stunned from hearing his name come out of her mouth that he just stared at her for a moment before shaking himself back to reality. He got down and helped her pick them up. She looked up at him shyly and Draco smiled at her, making her blush. Then he saw her eyes. The same ones that he only stared at countless times up in his bedroom. This would be the first time he actually seen them up close.

"Here, let me take some of that," Draco said grabbing some books off her arms. 

"Er…thanks," she said smiling weakly but averting his eyes.

"My pleasure Sarah," he said sincerely. She jerked her head up at him with a shocked look on her face.

"Y- you know my name?" she asked timidly. Draco looked at her with narrowed eyes as he tried not to let his emotions show too much.

"Of course I do, _Sarah_," he said with a smirk. "Why wouldn't I know your name? We're in the same house."

"Well, it's just that…" she started to say before looking away. Once again, Draco's conscience ate at him.

"I'm sorry Sarah," Draco said softly. Before he could stop himself, he had reached up, pushed a strand of hair off her face, and tucked it behind her ear. Again, Sarah looked at him stunned.

"S- sorry for w- what, Draco?" she asked gulping. Her cheeks had flushed and Draco thought that it made her even more beautiful.

"For being an idiot," he said looking into her eyes. He could get lost in those eyes.

"Er…"

"Um…are you done here?" he asked quickly knowing that he was making her uncomfortable.

"Uh, yeah. Just about," she answered meekly. "I just need to pay for them."

"Okay I'll help you with them," Draco said smiling at her. To his delight, she smiled back at him. She gave him a slight nod and started for the counter, flipping her hair off her shoulder. Draco followed as he tried to make the butterflies disappear from his stomach.

They stepped back out into the busy street of Diagon Alley, Draco holding onto some of Sarah's packages. She turned on him and held her hand out.

"I can take them now," she said still not looking straight at him. Draco gave her another smile and shook his head.

"It's okay, Sarah. I don't mind really," he said sincerely. "In fact, it's almost lunch time and I skipped breakfast today so I'm hungry. Would you care to join me at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch? My treat?"

He almost laughed again when Sarah jerked her head up to him, with the same shocked expression from earlier.

"I don't bite, Sarah," he said with a smirk. He thought he had sounded confident but inside he was nervous. He hoped against hope that she'd accept.

"Um, okay," she finally answered, giving him yet another weak smile. He leaned his face closer to hers.

"You know? You really should smile more often," he whispered to her making her blush. "You're really very beautiful."

There. He said it. He just hoped that he didn't scare her away.

**~*~*~**

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